Autographs for all!--except the dentist

Yes folks. I am so famous. Consider this my digital autograph for you. "Dear person... best wishes... Eean"

You may now sell this post for millions of dollars. I always said I would remember all the little people out there when I made it big.

Speaking of making it big, that is exactly NOT what our dentist is doing. Well, I should say ex-dentist. Actually, he never really even was our dentist, because we walked out before we even got into the exam chair.

Astyn gets dental insurance through her work, and we should have smelled trouble when we were assigned by the company to "Dr. Smiles on 13th"--yes, innocent sounding, I know. However, when we arrived for our appointments yesterday we were... well, we're having trouble finding words describing the experience. I guess the best word is...afraid. Yes, we were very afraid.

It turns out the dentist himself was also the receptionist (supposedly the real receptionist had called in sick). Red flag #1 - dentist must sub for receptionist. The dentist (sitting at the receptionist desk) had bushy overgrown unruly greasy hair, weighed probably 290 pounds and had hair from his chest poking out from underneath his scrubs (no undershirt). Red flag #2 - greasy hippie appearance. Of course, if that doesn't catch your attention, all the old 1980s "Dentristy Magazine" articles framed on the wall talking about how it's so vogue (in 1989 remember) to push exotic expensive toothpaste, toothbrushes, and other chic dental products from your office because it's the future of dentistry and filling cavities is so out of style--written by none other than the super-successful dentist who is now acting as his own receptionist sitting in front of us now. Red flag #3 - quack dentist offers no real dental services, only expensive "products." Last of all, he had us fill out a survey, in addition to our new patient information, that contained loaded questions like "Are you afraid of the dentist?" and "Did you know that standard 'drill and metal fill' dentristy will result in more dental services being required later?" - Red flag #4 - quack dentist pushes products by priming for the upsell through the survey.

Now if that wasn't enough, waiting for 40 minutes in the overall dingy, poorly lit closet-converter-reception area in the rear of the building (that's right, you have to walk through the whole office, to the REAR closet area to get to the reception area with purple psychadelic chairs and walls packed with art that looked like it happened in a bad 60s cartoon) was finally enough to scare us right out of there. We called our insurance company, asked them if we could switch dentists, and then went up to the receptionist--i.e. the dentist--and asked for our personal information and insurance card back and told him we were going to switch dentists--that his practice wasn't going to meet our needs.

I have never been so scared in all my life. Still we have trouble finding words to describe the experience. Luckily we escaped with our lives, and our teeth. That's the first time I've ever walked out on an appointment like that--and you feel deliciously empowered when you do it. Wahaaah!